Dialogue

 

How many films is it that you’ve seen in fact in the last 55 years?

I can’t count them at all it’s roughly about at least an average of five a week  for the 55 years.

Artist (buried under the weight of his own self importance) : What about me?

Gladys : Get out

In the beginning, oh long before that.

Man in green tights : I’m superman. Pull them up. Neil Armstrong. Steve McGarret – Hawaii five O – Stingray, stingray , I wish I were a spaceman, Frank Cannon, , I wish I knew what he was thinking, but I can’t I don’t know what he’s saying.

 

Artist : Well there’s this new game I invented  : Up the back door passage, contestants, no scum,  scum come on down to the stage, get blindfolded, and they have to squat over a variety of objects, candle stick, Enid Blyton book, gold fish, as they are inserted slowly up the back door passage and what’s more if they get it wrong we don’t take them out. Yea that’s a good idea isn’t it?

 

Were you ever married?

 

Woman (in the bath) : I was taken off the shelf once or twice, towel dried, talced,  (talcum powder), but put back, always put back.

 

Gladys : All things wise and wonderful the lord god made them all.

Albert : Steady Gladys.

Gladys : Get out me way.

Man in green tights: Pull them up.

Man in green tights: I am the lord of the dance said he, and I’ll lead you all wherever you may be because I am the lord of the dance said he.

Man in green tights: I used to live on mange tout, after eights, if I may be so bold, coco pops, sugar puff the magic dragon lives by the sea.

 

I hear him go cuckoo cuckoo.

Of course films these days have changed very much, what with our permissive society, they’re a bit sexy now, what do you think of them?

And there as drunk as can be was the one I’d seen before.

 

Artist : I’ve used this for sex, and for speaking with,  it’s never done me a fat lot of good.
Spit on my eyes somebody, and wake me up.
It is myself that I have the strong love for.
I’m washed up with the miserableness and importance of my own bloody rubbish, I’m a right fucking carry on.

 

Old Woman (following the white lines down the middle of the road): I talk to the trees, I talk to the white lines, I talk to the flowers.
The white lines, the white lines.

 

Gladys (Sings) : when others help us fend and comfort thee, help of the helpless, lord abide with me. When the darkness deepens, lord with me abide, the darkness deepens lord with me abide …. Get out the way.

 

Religious fanatic : Take the word inside, ingest it, use that word, use it against sin, sin will come sin will pass.

Two little girls : When we get married we’ll raise a family.

 

Gladys : Get out the bloody way.

Albert : All right Gladys.

Gladys : Get out the way.

Albert : All right Gladys.

Gladys : Get out the bloody way.

Albert : All right Gladys. Get out the bloody way yourself.

 

Man in green tights: I was the label on Napoleon’s very expensive hat. Hilda Ogden’s hairnet. I was Maid Marion’s Robin Hood. Pull them up. I was I was Batman’s cape. I was the stain around the rim of that bath tub.
Robin Hood.
Clever fellar.
Not me, I’m not clever.
Missed.
I’m not clever, I wish I was clever like that fellar. I don’t have clever thoughts.

 

Artist : I don’t remember much. I’m lost for inspiration.

Artist : Damn. Blast. Flipping Heck and Fuck it. My trouble is too much drinking. Tell me but don’t keep fucking shouting at me. I said don’t keep fucking shouting at me. It’s driving me up the wall. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

 

Old Woman : To white line down the middle of the road to a car battery to …. A fish? To coppice to religion to stone to man with  an umbrella, to a field to a wheel chair to orange cone to a man in green tights to the Nazca lines to a woman drowning in a bath of her own grief to an artist buried under weight  of his self importance to Gladys to Albert to….

 

Artist : Me, what about me? This is a fucking joke.